A Battle of Will
by melody425
Summary: What if Duncan hadn't walked away after talking to Ellen about their kiss? This is how I would have loved the scene to have gone. Set during 1x12 - The Cost of Living. The following chapters will focus on their evolving relationship and how they try to hide it. I do not own the tv show Hostages, its characters, or any affiliations. Enjoy and please review! :)
1. A Battle of Will

When Ellen saw that Duncan was coming into the kitchen, her spine immediately stiffened. She looked down at her hands, unsure if she'd be able to look at him without blushing. What was he going to say? What was she going to say? Who was going to talk first?

Duncan walked straight into the kitchen and stopped right in front of her. For a moment, she couldn't look at him, but when she finally raised her eyes, she noticed that they were both confused and at a loss of what to say.

Ellen decided that she should speak first, but she had no idea what to say so her words came out in a jumble. "Uh…about last night…" she began.

Duncan's pupils dilated as he quietly muttered, "Right…" and then looked down.

"I mean…uh…everything's been so…confusing and…heightened," she couldn't help but let her voice rise in pitch at the word 'heightened'.

Duncan gave a small nod of his head in understanding.

Her words were coming easier now, almost in a courageous rush, "I know what I'm supposed to feel…I'm supposed to hate you, but…uh..." The next two words were harder to say, so she had to clear her throat, but the words still came out in almost a whisper, "I don't…" she finished, looking him right in the eye. She couldn't believe she had the courage to say what she just said.

Duncan closed his eyes for a moment as he sighed inwardly and then quietly said, "Well I'm glad to hear that." He wasn't exactly sure when he had started to care so much about what she thought of him.

His simple statement made Ellen take a sharp intake of breath. She felt like she was magnetized and that Duncan was drawing her to him. Ellen took a tentative step towards him and began to lean in, waiting for his response.

"Ellen, we can't," Duncan said with strained breath, "We need to focus right now on what really matters: saving our families."

The mention of her family brought Ellen back to the present.

"Yeah."

"We're doing the right thing," Duncan affirmed by resting one of his hands on top of one of hers on the kitchen counter.

Ellen nodded her head like she was listening; however, she couldn't help but replay Duncan's previous words in her head: _"Right now,"_ he had said. Would something between them be possible in the future? Ellen couldn't believe that she was hoping so…

Lost in her own thoughts, Ellen hadn't realized that Duncan's hand was still on hers. Her eyes shot from his hand up to his eyes which were still locked on her. Now it was Duncan's turn to lean in and Ellen didn't move away.

"Ellen, we shouldn't…" Duncan's voice was a whisper, "not again…"

But the battle of will was already lost as Ellen closed the gap between them. This kiss was different from the first. The first one had been passionate from excitement. This kiss was soft and slow. It revealed the need and desire between both of them. It showed how Ellen needed Duncan just as much as he needed her.

The kiss couldn't last long though as neither knew who was around or if anyone was watching. When the kiss broke, it wasn't awkward or confusing like the first kiss, this time Ellen and Duncan both had small smirks on their faces, which represented the secret relationship brewing between them that neither would divulge to anyone.


	2. Just Breathing

Their new relationship managed to stay a secret: hidden glances here, long glances there, and a few short kisses when no one was looking or watching.

One night, Duncan decided to be brave. After Ellen's interaction with Brain's mistress, he knew that Brian was sleeping in one of the guestrooms, leaving Ellen alone in her room.

During his watch, while Kramer, Sandrine, and Archer were sleeping, Duncan crept into Ellen's room. As a precaution, Duncan had frozen the camera footage coming from Ellen's room, so if any of the others woke up, they would just think that Duncan was making his rounds.

Duncan closed the door behind him as quietly as he could. As he made his way to the bed, he noticed how small and fragile Ellen looked under the covers; so different from her every day confident and stubborn persona. As he gently lifted the covers, he saw her stir.

"Brian?" Ellen called out sleepily.

When no reply was given, a warm smile grew on her face. As she felt the mattress shift behind her, she inhaled deeply; revelling in Duncan's spiced cologne.

Ellen sighed as she felt Duncan's arms wrap around her. She rolled onto her other side and nestled into him. She looked up into his eyes through her lashes and smiled softly as she saw a serene look on his face.

Duncan lowered his head to drop a kiss on Ellen's forehead. He let his lips linger on her forehead as he smelled her floral scented hair. Ellen could feel his lips turning into a smile as he inhaled.

She wrapped her arms around him so she could be as close to him as she could possibly be. She wanted to cherish this moment as she knew they only had an hour or two like this before he'd have to leave her.

As Duncan's chin came to rest on the top of her head, their breathing became unified. Duncan just focused on the feeling of Ellen in his arms: the way her body curled into his, the way her soft hair cushioned his chin, the way her soft breathing and constant heartbeat steadied his. No words were needed, just being able to hold each other was enough…for now.


	3. Surprise Visits

A surprise visit from Duncan became an almost daily occurrence. Ellen so looked forward to them, but it was hard to only show indifference towards Duncan in front of everyone else. At least Duncan got to act gruff and intense with her. She could always see his passion for her bubbling up just behind his gruff exterior.

Ellen had just gotten home from work. Morgan and Jake were in their rooms doing their homework and Brian hadn't gotten home from work yet. Kramer was the only person she saw when she first came in the door. She thought to ask him about Duncan's whereabouts, but then quickly realized that would look suspicious. Kramer only half acknowledged Ellen in greeting as he was busy searching something on the computer.

Ellen had had a long, tiring day at work so she decided she would take a hot bath before starting dinner. Since Ellen's life had gotten so chaotic in the last week, she decided to spare no expense: soft guitar music playing in the background, scented candles, bath oils beads, and bubble bath. Ellen threw her hair up into a messy bun. As she stepped into the tub and lowered herself into the water, she couldn't help but let a huge sigh escape her lips. She felt the stress and tension of the day melt away from her muscles and into the hot bubbly water. Ellen tilted her head back to lean against the back of the tub. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath in, filling her lungs with the scent of jasmine. The guitar music blended together and with her eyes closed, Ellen became unaware if ten minutes had passed or just ten seconds.

Ellen was so lost in her relaxation that she almost didn't hear the bathroom door open and close. She was in an almost trance like state, so she didn't even bother to open her eyes. She did notice that the light in her bedroom must be off because the door opening and closing didn't let any offensive light in to disrupt her Zen like atmosphere.

Just as Ellen finished this thought, she felt warm breath on the back of her neck as two strong hands began gently massaging her shoulders.

"Hi," a low voice said quietly.

Ellen relaxed even more into the strong hands and managed a breathy, "Hi," in response.

A moment later though, her Zen like state was broken and she sat up quickly, splashing some water out of the tub.

"Wait, Duncan, you can't be in here. Won't the others wonder where you are? What if Morgan or Jake hear us in here? Or what if Brian comes home?" Ellen asked worriedly.

"Sweetheart, calm down. I sent Kramer, Sandrine, and Archer with the kids to get supper out somewhere, under the guise that I have to talk to you and Brian in graphic details of the President's surgery. Thankfully they all trust me and listened. Before this, Brian phoned to let me know that a meeting has run late at work so they are all grabbing supper and then are going to finish their meeting. He doesn't expect to be home until 8pm..." Duncan finished.

Ellen slowly turned around in the tub to face him. Duncan's breath caught in his chest as he had never seen Ellen more beautiful than now: her hair reflecting candlelight, bare shoulders, bubbles just barely covering her chest.

"So what you're saying..." Ellen began slowly, "is that we have the house to ourselves?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying." Duncan's eyes sparkled with excitement. "Would you like me to continue with your massage?" Duncan lowered his head to kiss her neck.

"No actually, I'd like you to join me," Ellen moved her hands through the water invitingly.

Duncan sat up straight in shock from the suggestive nature of her request. He cleared his throat.

"Now Ellen, we agreed back when we started this new relationship that there were certain boundaries we wouldn't cross until all of this was over and we could tell our spouses," Duncan finished sternly.

"I think I can control myself Duncan," Ellen said light-heartedly, patting Duncan's hand that was gripping the tub rim.

At the skin-to-skin contact, Duncan's eyes darkened, "I'm not so sure I can trust myself…"

Ellen involuntarily gulped before she said, "I'm willing to take the risk…I just want to be close to you…"

"But how close will be too close?"

Now it was Ellen's turn to clear her throat. "Well…what if you put on a pair of Brian's swimming shorts and I'll put on a bathing suit too. We'll treat this more like a hot tub…" Ellen was hoping her creative suggestion would work.

Duncan studied her earnest face for a moment and then smiled, "Okay, I think that could work. Where will I find the shorts?"

"Uh…" Ellen had to wrack her brain, "third drawer on the left I think."

"Okay, I'll grab a pair and then go change in the guest bathroom."

A second later, he was gone. Ellen took a deep breath to steady her excited heartbeat. She stood up and grabbed a fluffy white towel to wrap around herself.

She padded out into the bedroom to her chest of drawers. Opening the second from the top, she surveyed her options. It was a tough call. Should she be nice to Duncan and wear her tasteful navy blue one piece? Or should she torture him and wear her yellow string bikini? A small smile began to grow on Ellen's face: she was going to torture him.

After slipping into the tiny bikini, she grabbed her white terry cloth robe and slipped it on. She wanted to surprise him. Ellen went back to the bathroom and stood nervously, awaiting Duncan's return. What was taking him so long?

A second later she heard someone coming up the stairs. Ellen quickly closed the bathroom door and locked it. She hoped that Duncan wouldn't get caught by whoever was out there. If she started to hear fists flying, she'd be almost certain that it was Brian.

Ellen held her breath as she heard someone approaching the bathroom…


	4. Bath Time

"Ellen?" Duncan's voice floated through the door, full of concern. "Is everything alright?"

Ellen let out the breath she was holding as she opened the door. "Sorry, I heard someone coming up the stairs and thought it was either Brian, one of the kids, or one of your team."

"I'm sorry I should have told you I was going downstairs. I just thought we could use some refreshment," he smiled warmly at her as he held up a bottle of wine and two glasses.

Ellen gaped at him. "How did you know where those were?"

"Uh…" Duncan shifted uncomfortably on his feet, "I found them when we initially were scoping out the house…" he finished, his eyes cast downward.

"Oh," was all Ellen could say. Duncan's answer brought them both back to reality, reminding them how twisted and unconventional their relationship and situation was.

Not wanting to spoil the precious time they had alone together, Ellen snapped herself back to the present.

"Shall we?" she asked, gesturing to the tub that was still bubbly and had steam rising up from the hot water.

"Let's," Duncan said simply.

At the same time, Duncan and Ellen began taking off their robes; neither tried to hide the fact that they were intently watching the other. After she undid her tie, Ellen paused to watch Duncan take his robe off. Brian and Duncan were roughly the same size so the shorts fit him well. Ellen knew that Duncan was strong, but she had no idea the muscles that rippled under his clothes when he moved. Duncan was muscular, but not grossly so. He had well defined arms and abs.

Ellen gave a shy smile as she began sliding her own robe off her shoulders. Again, Duncan was amazed at how delicate and slender Ellen was as she never wore clothes that were skin tight which would show her true form.

When Duncan realized that Ellen was wearing a tiny bikini, he had to stifle a groan. "You're not planning on making this easy for me, are you Ellen?" he asked, narrowing his eyes at her.

His intense stare made Ellen speechless, so she just tried to smile as innocently as she could and shrugged her shoulders.

"Ladies first," Duncan said, gesturing towards the tub.

Ellen climbed back into the tub and sat at the far end. Then Duncan climbed in and sat at the other end. For a few moments they just looked at each other in silence. They both were sitting cross-legged in the tub, so they weren't quite touching; they each had their own personal space.

Duncan broke the silence first. "Before you so graciously invited me into the tub, I was planning on giving you a shoulder massage, but …" he drifted off as he let his hands move forward through the water. Ellen felt his hands brush her right knee and then travel down her leg, gently pulling her leg so she would extend it towards him.

"Now I can give you a foot massage," he smiled seductively.

Even though she was sitting in hot water, Ellen felt like she had chills all over her body from him running his hands down her leg to her foot. She let her eyes flutter close as he began to massage her foot. Duncan couldn't help but smirk at her reaction.

They spent the next hour together getting to know each other. It was like a strange first date for them. They talked, laughed, and between the two of them, drank the whole bottle of wine. They talked about what their childhoods were like, what kind of teenagers they were, and how they became the adults they were today. They somehow managed to avoid talking about Brian, Nina, and their current situation. They learned each other likes, dislikes, favourite colours, tv shows, music, and movies. It was a relaxed and comfortable conversation they both needed and enjoyed.

By the end of the hour, Duncan had massaged both of Ellen's feet and now he was massaging her shoulders as she had turned around to sit in between his legs at his request. They knew their precious time together was running out and they were both dreading it.

"Ugh…" Ellen sighed, as she leaned back into Duncan, "I don't want this to have to end so soon…"

Duncan understood her sentiment, but decided to try and be funny, to keep the mood light-hearted. "Well, I don't know about you, but an hour is a pretty long time for a bath…my fingers are getting really wrinkly," he said with a laugh.

Ellen used one of her elbows to playfully nudge him in the ribs. "You know what I mean. I just wish we wouldn't have to go back to being indifferent towards one another in the next half an hour…"

"After all of this is over," Duncan began, while wrapping his arms around her shoulders, "we will finally be able to be together and not have to hide anymore. We will be able to drink a bottle of wine and toast to our future life together without feeling guilty. We just have to hold out for a few more days. Okay?" he asked, while dipping his head to kiss Ellen's shoulder.

"Okay," Ellen sighed, as she dropped a kiss on his hands that were joined in front of her. Duncan gave her a little squeeze in return.

They spent the last five minutes of their bath in a comfortable silence, just enjoying being in the presence of the other.


	5. Losing Yourself

**Ellen's Perspective**

After their bath together, Ellen was not exactly sure what happened. Duncan became distant for a few days and then two days before the surgery, out of the blue, told Ellen that she should just stick to the plan and head to Florida with Brian and the kids. When Ellen tried to reason with him, Duncan just left and shut her out. From then on he only spoke to her about the plan for the President's surgery. If she tried to change the subject, he just left, and with them still trying to keep their romantic relationship a secret, she couldn't exactly chase him around, trying to get him to really talk to her; she was supposed to hate him.

Ellen had become resigned to her fate as she left Burton's house after giving Nina the bone marrow she had gotten from the successful, yet partly improvised, surgery on the President. Saying goodbye to Duncan had been so hard, she had almost cried in front of him, but she managed to stay composed until she was in her car where then and only then did she let the tears flow. She was just so confused because Duncan had still kissed her on the cheek. Would a man who told a woman days before they could no longer be together, still kiss her on the cheek as they said goodbye? Thinking back, Ellen also thought she saw tears mirrored in Duncan's eyes too.

**Duncan's Perspective**

"Thanks for everything Burton," Duncan said with a sad smile. He was just about to open the door and get out when he noticed someone sitting on a nearby bench.

"What is she doing here?" Duncan questioned, exasperated.

"I called her," Burton said quietly behind him.

Duncan reared on him. "Why did you do that?" the anger evident in his voice.

"Because I think you're making a mistake and Ellen Sanders seems to be the only person you may still listen to these days."

Duncan sighed heavily, "You should have just left this alone," he finished as he started to open the car door.

Burton put his hand on Duncan's shoulder. "You can't blame me for caring about whether my son-in-law goes to jail or not."

Duncan just gave him a sad look and then exited from the car. As he turned from closing the car door, his eyes fell upon Ellen. She was sitting on the bench with her hands folded in her lap. She looked nervous.

'_Is she nervous about the possibility of people still coming after her or is she nervous to talk to me?'_ he wondered, as he approached her on the bench.

She sat on one end of the bench, so he sat down at the other end.

"What are you doing here? You're supposed to be with your family."

"Well…I was…" she started off slowly, "but then Burton called, so I sent them along ahead without me…"

Duncan couldn't help but sound sarcastic as he said, "Oh, I'm sure Brian took that well."

Ellen looked down at her hands as she said, "I told him it was the First Lady calling, asking to see me..."

"Huh, maybe I was wrong about you. Maybe you did lose yourself a little bit in all of this," he exclaimed in a bitter tone and then sighed heavily, already regretting his words. _'Why do I keep trying to push her away?'_ he thought.

At the sound of his bitter tone, Ellen raised her eyes to meet his, defiantly, stubbornly. "I lied because it sounded like you needed someone. I agree with Burton. I think you're making a mistake turning yourself in."

"But I'm trying to do the right thing! The moral thing! I'm trying to find myself again!" he exclaimed, exasperated.

Ellen's eyes softened as she quietly said, "I don't think you ever really lost yourself…"

The fact that she pitied him was actually starting to piss Duncan off. "How can you say that?" he asked sternly. "After all that I did to you?"

"I know! I know!" Ellen was starting to get flustered, "But I've been thinking…" she paused to move closer to him on the bench, his spine stiffened at her proximity. She put her hands on top of his as she said, "If Morgan or Jake were in the same condition as Nina, I probably would have done the same thing. I'm not saying your actions are excusable, but you had a good reason behind them. Yes, you started off as a cruel captor, but that was just a façade you thought you had to put on. Then you changed and you started to help us, you changed your plan for us!"

Duncan moved his hands to the tops of hers and gave them a gentle squeeze. "But people still got hurt, people died: Angela, Brian, your sister, Boyd, Archer, Blair…"

"But none of those were entirely your fault! You only killed Archer and Blair in self-defence. Boyd and Angela were tragic accidents you weren't directly involved with. My sister was unexpected and we got rid of her the best way we could have and Brian…well, he was being stupid. Again, I'm not excusing you from any of it, you did play a part, but we all did. Why should you take the fall for the rest of us?"

Duncan didn't respond, he only looked down at his hands in his lap.

"Also, how do you plan on surrendering without implicating the rest of us?"

"I don't know!" Duncan exclaimed, clenching his hands into fists, "I just want to right the wrongs I've done."

"I agree with you, but I think you can do that in other ways. You're clearly a good FBI agent, I think you can do more good saving people than being locked up in a jail cell somewhere."

Duncan lifted his hands to rub his face. "Now I'm so confused…"

Ellen put one of her hands on Duncan's knee. "Don't rush this decision. You don't have to decide now. Take some time to really think about it."

"But I can't go back to Nina and Sawyer. She could barely look at me without disgust."

"You can come back to my house with me. I told Brian and the kids I could need a couple of days."

Duncan looked at her warily. "Are you sure that's a good idea, Ellen?"

"Well as I see it, you don't have many options. I don't think you should be by yourself right now and you can't stay with Burton because of Nina, so unless you can think of another relative or friend who won't find you just showing up on their doorstep, out of the blue, late at night, suspicious, I don't think you have another option."

Duncan thought for a moment and then sighed, "That's all true. I guess you're right. Let's go."


End file.
